the impossibility of limiting greed!

sold the Scorpio last month (though like Martin says, I should have given it away, or rather paid for someone to relieve me of the guilt:).

it took me 6+ months to actually do the deed. despite the fact that it did not make practical sense to own such a huge vehicle, considering it was used mostly only by me, that it guzzled fuel, that it occupied an unjust amount of road space, that it has been demonstrably dangerous for people outside the vehicle, that it was one of the many representations of what I profess not to believe in (economic inequity, being an environmental hazard, ostentation, creates a physical cocoon that limits our visibility to the world outside and a painful overload on the already screaming crowd and traffic in cities! but why then did it take more than 6 months to decide.

because I was caught in a comfort zone and was actually thinking how life would be without a car! How would I commute to work? What if it rained? Our house is fairly remote, away from civilization. Would riding a bike make me more vulnerable to being mugged, would bike commutes be more tiring? This really was distressing.

I realized how complexed life had become. And finally the trigger for the actual act was to see how I could simplify my life. Not be driven by the watch and distances and comfort. Is it possible for me to take life easy? Do I want to continue to be this workaholic manager rushing about from one place to another and not slowing down and reflecting and nursing this sinking feeling in my heart that has become a habit almost!

A decade ago I would have scoffed at the thought that I would actually deem to buy 2 cars and be hesitant to let go of one. That I was beyond temptation and it was not possible for me to succumb to this kind of vulnerability, of being obsessed with some things that I would find it difficult to let go. That material things did not matter to me, that there is a limit to the conveniences human beings need and I could stop at a point that I was completely aware of even then!

My needs are so limited. I did never have more than 8-10 shirts, not more than 4-5 trousers, i can eat at any place, all I need is food, enough clothing, basic shelter, love, music and friends...but how things creep in! Before I knew there were elements of our lifestyle that at best could be called atrocious for a 2 member family! a 2000 sq feet house, 2 cars, 2 bikes, a home theater, cassettes, CDs, movies, more furniture than our house can handle...

I thought “limited greed”, though I had not heard of the phrase then, was possible. am beginning to realize it is an oxymoron. Greed is there or it ain't . It is only limited by our capabilities to acquire (that doesn't only include physical or mental capabilities but also the amount of guilt our conscience is capable of gulping and forgetting), and that limitation is a frustrated one. the slightest opportunity we get, we strive to attain more! And then some of us graciously let go a bit to assuage the bruised conscience...like “selling” the second car and bragging (blogging) about it !