us...and others

I am angry! very very angry! angry with everything, primary myself I think. everything seems so pointless. we live in an illusion that we are meaningful, deeply meaningful. we feel compelled to generalize fucking trivial things we do, and lend themselves major meaning. this gives us identity, makes us feel important.

we are perceived as creations that are consistent by others, but all i see within is confusion, contradictions, incompleteness.

everything we say, words that inadvertently or advertently pop out of our mouth, gestures, behaviours...they are all listened to, interpreted and an image is formed. and this image is stated to us, in words or otherwise.

and this helps us manufacture this picture perfect, consistent image of us! and we use this to moderate, manipulate our further behaviours. and more circumstances keep moulding this, yeah moulding, not influencing but bloody moulding.
so we are told we are sensitive and we are thoughtful and intelligent...so we have to continue employing our minds, our hearts in their presence and behave consistent to this perception.

and then different circumstances and different people 'expose' a newer nuance or a starkly different aspect of us. and we regenerate, we re-manufacture. this image needs to be consistent with that circumstance.

i am pissed off and dunno know with what! if only someone told me, i would behave the right way!