i would like to believe that it is possible to be completely transparent in our interactions with people around us and the world in general.
at one level it is clearly expressing our thoughts and consciously ensuring the listener 'understands' really what we feel and hears our perspective to things, not just general things and opinions about life, but also about ourselves. the context we come from and hence the assumptions, the positions we are taking. combined with illustrations of our experiences that help clarify the way we are thinking. with people we are close to and share a deeper relationship, there is an added need to share our past, significant episodes from our life or even the seemingly trivial incidents and experiences that have made us the person we are. for example how we felt about our childhood, the kind of person we were during teenage, separations, death how we responded to them...
broadly what we share with people about ourselves fall in three categories - anecdotes and experiences (this happened with me when i was sixteen and this is how i felt then, this is how i feel now about that time), generalities (i am sensitive, somebody does something like this and it hurts me, you say this to me and it bothers me) and demonstrations (through actions, things we do for them, things that consciously (and sometimes unconsciously) demonstrate aspects of our personality).
i think i have been experimenting with this for a while now. in fact i could say i am significantly more transparent as a person than i was a few years ago. i wouldn't have for example confessed really how difficult i feel about writing. i seemed to be enjoying it before and i liked people to think of me that way, and the compliments i received about my writing skills. but now i feel compelled to say that i hate it. i hate the process of 'having to write'. and it makes me nervous. partly the hesitation to share this is because it involves acknowledging a vulnerability, but more importantly it is the possibility of jeopardizing my reputation as someone who could write well if he did it more often (thats the interesting catch. and so in reality this confession is interpreted as modesty and it is too tempting and so most often i let it be that way. i just hate that...
...but then i am not being transparent even now! 'writing' is too trivial an example to make a complex point. i should be giving another example. being a sensitive and nice person who has a serious compulsion to be 'morally right' as -m- calls it. i seem to have built this reputation for being a good person, not wanting to hurt someone even if it is at a cost to myself in terms of effort or pains i have to go through. be it work, in relationships...but i think this is untrue. i am callous, insensitive almost unconsciously, lazy in the amount of effort i would put to help someone. this demonstrates itself even if it means giving someone something i really like or doing my job well consistently or well putting effort in doing something for someone else. i think this side of me is compensated by other less important or even trivial things i do for others and thats the part of me that is seen. opinions about me are formed based on these instances. i can think of a few people who are justified in having this other opinion of me, -n- for instance.
a deeper issue with transparency is sharing information. there are numerous incidents in my life that could change the opinion even someone very close to me has of me. and it is probably incidental maybe that i have not shared this. say not having told -a- about this incident in my life when i think i was quite cruel to someone, in the way i broke a relationship, numerous thoughts that run in my mind about people that could at best be called disregard. the list can go on to more serious things!
i don't know if it is by choice that i dont share these things or if it is just incidental! choosing to think it is the latter is a matter of convenience and an acceptance of the impossibility of transparency. -m- is probably right, in that if this becomes a conscious decision and behaviour based on a theory of transparency that we want to comply with, it is no use! it is as good as being un-transparent!
